What is the truth? Is it what is being said, what we believe in or what we want someone to believe?

Being in a relationship with someone who's afraid of missing out afraid of not having the best.

Someone who believes that someone else might be better for me, is this what I really want is this enough. What if that one can give me more children, more money, more prosperity.

How do you survive in such relationship? Do you stay and work things out, do you convince this person that you are the one, nothing better can come to you. Do you constantly prove to this person that being grateful for what you  have will bring you more to be grateful for.

Are you afraid of losing this person to another better version of you?

All these questions have I been asking myself for the last few years being in a long distance relationship.

I have seen it all, lies, cheating, stealing and convincing. There's so much work in a relationship that's "normal" why put in the extra effort in a long distance relationship. You have the power to end it all just by hanging up the phone, make new social accounts or just never answer the phone and that person is out of your life. That's a powerful feeling to have and if you use it I can assure you that you have lost. When you use that power it will only prove to the other person that you are weak and have a loss of words to use. This will be the behavior of the lesser part, the one who's afraid of losing the battle, missing out and not mounting up to whatever standards have been set.

What is the truth in a relationship? Is it the story being told by one of you, the story one of you believes in or is it the story that you want to believe in?

I have a story for you, I'm in a long distance relationship with a man who loves me very much and is willing to connect and tries really hard to be the man that he thinks I need him to be. I love him more that my own sanity and I swallow more camels than a traveling circus.

In the beginning he was insanely jealous, if you ask him now, he can't remember that. In his head it was just me being difficult. His truth versus My truth, who knows what's the right story ...

A few years back he had an affair, he openly cheated on me and lied to my face every time I asked him. Then I found a picture on Instagram of him with his arm around a woman with a text saying "I really miss this".

It still hurts to talk about this and tears are falling as I'm writing.

I commented on the picture saying "Strange, I miss that too, that is my man your hugging". I took a screenshot of the picture with the text and send it to my boyfriend. Finally he admitted to the affair, because I had proof, and we could talk about it. We talked and I cried for days, I hated what he had done to me and he said that he loved me, not her and that he wanted to be with me not her. Who's truth was that?
That is the truth he wanted me to believe in, not the truth that was being lived.

It took months to work it out and many hurtful things was said and done in the process. I was not entirely sure I made the right decision when I agreed to give this relationship a next try.

He told me a truth "She means nothing to me, she was just a means to en end so I could make some money" (he said they where going into business together) I know the truth was not his, because I was there through the whole year where he didn't want to have sex with me, he made up all kinds of excuses to why. He was too tired, he was in zone, he had too much on his mind etc ... So the truth was what he wanted me to believe and knowing that, do you think I should have made a different choice ??

I know that he felt like he was cheating on her with me, I know that he liked her and I know why. I also know that he wanted me to believe in that "truth" because he loves me, but he was scared that he would miss out on something. What if she was a better deal for him than I was, what if she could give him something better. I told him and the other woman that "I know he will not leave me to be with her" and my boyfriend took it to heart and said that this is true.

She on the other hand didn't quit that easily and it was hard to witness my boyfriend breaking up with another woman. I had to comfort him when he was heartbroken over the fact that she was out of his life. That's one of the hardest things I ever had to do, because he never admitted to me that that was why he felt as bad as he did. He gave me another "truth" about how his mom was mistreating him and that was why he felt so bad. Without his knowledge I take all his "truths" and pretends to believe in them because he is already hurting, I don't have to kick him when he's down.

You might think that I'm stupid to stay with a man like that, but I have to say that this man gave me a once in a lifetime feeling of love at first sight. I have never fell in love like I did when I met him and I don't know anyone who has. I fell in love with him when I saw him for the first time an all I saw was his silhouette in the car window.  And it was just as powerful for him, he told me that he had never loved anyone like this before. He was used to falling for woman who was good to him sexually or he liked them for spending money on him, this  was all new to him and that was the start of a very powerful and passionate relationship. It has had many up's and downs and I have friends who don't understand me and I have friends who envies me. It has cost me more than my share of tears and it has given me a lifetimes worth of love, laughter and value. 

This is the relationship that we have been working on for eight years and will continue to work on for the next eight years at least.

So who's truth do you believe in?

It's the same judgement you will use now as when you judge someone who might have done something but no one knows for sure.

Some say it's 3 sides to every story 1-mine 2-yours 3-the truth ...

You have been given my side of the story and my version of the truth. It really doesn't matter what is truth and what is lies, the only thing that matters is, what can you live with? What story will you believe in to make your life worth moving forward with?

I know this is the man I will grow old with and I know that for us to breakup he is the one that has to do it, I can't let go of him unless he beats me or cheats again ... I know my worth and I know my responsibilities, I know that whatever comes my way in this relationship it is because I let it happen, I know it's not my fault, but I will take full responsibility for letting it happen. 

I bet you feel pretty good about your relationship with the man who's sitting in front of a screen all weekend playing video games. At least he's home and not out there searching for someone better than you. Let him be him and worry about what you are doing with your time on this fabulous planet.

Thank you for reading a piece of my story.

What is the truth? Is it what is being said, what we believe in or what we want someone to believe?