People have tremendous strength
My biggest challenge turned out to be my biggest blessing and I learned that people have tremendous strength.
Having said that, I didn’t see it like that when it happened. I was in shock, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I didn’t know what was appropriate or even how I really felt about it.
I just watched my mom fall to pieces and listened to what she had to say with disbelief and questions.
Could this be real? Is she tricking me, does she have a hidden camera, is this a joke, if it is it’s a terrible one. But there she was, dead serious and on the floor of my kitchen, crying her heart out in grief from the shock she just experienced. And what did I do? Her daughter, I was just standing there not knowing how to respond, not knowing what to say and I didn’t even attempt to comfort my mom.
I can’t remember what season it was, but when I think about it, it feels like spring or summer. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t hot either. Then again, Norway doesn’t normally get very hot even in summer.
She falls to the floor sobbing and telling me the craziest story I have ever heard. Telling me about how it has been at home the last few months, and that she never said anything. How she was cleaning the house today and when she was vacuuming dad’s office she wanted to vacuum behind his desk. And there she saw it, the reason and the answers to all the questions she had had for months. A long line of women’s lingerie hung to dry, laces and silk panties and teddies, bras and stockings. She dropped everything and left the house, she didn’t know where to go and then she had remembered that she hadn’t eaten anything so she decided to come to my house and eat.
My mom is all about loving and understanding and tells me it’s ok. So we sit there in my kitchen and talk for awhile. There has obviously been a lot going on in my parents’ house that no one knew about, my mom is rambling, and I’m trying to make sense of it all. But how can anyone? How can you make sense of a 30-year-old marriage and “suddenly” one of the two has decided to become a little too much like the other…?
People have tremendous strength. My parents have shown me how incredibly strong a person can be when they have to. On the brink off total destruction and after my mom got divorced from a woman she didn’t marry, my mom and “dad” are the best of friends.
I learned that strength is optional. When life knocks you down, and it will sometimes, you make a choice you decide either to stay down or to get back up.
My dad was different he didn’t want anything to remember his old life as a man. He wanted the acceptance for being a woman and as he said, this urge in him was so strong he was willing to cut all ties to his old life including us, his children. That was a tough pill to swallow, and I felt like I didn’t matter at all. He was so wrapped up in himself that he couldn’t see the harm he spread by not giving us the time to adjust.
Getting used to your dad becoming a woman is more usual these days, but we had a rough time and there where things said and done that should never have seen the light of day.
I was my mom’s best friend, therapist and daughter and I was my dad’s garbage bag. My mom would talk ill of my dad, which I understand, but I couldn’t take sides and my dad was hurting just as bad.
My dad was feeling sorry for himself and didn’t understand why all of us just couldn’t accept him as he now was (a cross dresser and a transvestite) He said he might as well just end it all
My mom told me that dad had started drinking a lot and that there was incidents where he locked himself up in the office with alcohol and guns and refused to come out. I told them that as long as there were guns in the house that wasn’t locked away; my daughter would not be visiting them.
All of this resulted in me not taking care of myself and I got sick. I had all this negative emotions inside of me all the time and all I could think about was all the horror my parents was going through. I never stopped to think about what this meant to me, I was only concerned about them.
My mind was poisoned and my body got sick, I couldn’t keep any food inside. Whatever I put in my mouth and swallowed ran right through me. I had no energy and I was depressed. When I couldn’t remember my daughter’s birthday, I went to the doctor and told him that something is very wrong.
I have to admit that this is one of the toughest decisions I’ve made in my life, but it turned out to be the best decision I could have made at that time. When I wasn’t there to be a buffer for all of them they were all facing there problems in a different way. They kept me out of the loop (they still do) but the main thing is that they handled it. Together they agreed on what was what and who goes where. My dad moved out, my sister mourned it as if she was a little girl losing both her parents. My mom got back to work eventually and from there she started to socialize with friends again.
I will be the first to tell you that I don’t want anyone to have to have this experience, not because it’s so horrible or damaging, but because it takes something away. No matter how much you talk about it or forgive this one and that one, there are all this words that was said that can never be forgotten, and it ruins something.
I’m not going to get into all the details of what was said and who said them, but it breaks something inside of you, and it builds something new. The old will never be the same and the new will never be as old.
Move forward, live your life for you. Stop taking everyone else into the equation of your life. You are only responsible for your own life and your own happiness. Everyone else have to take responsibility of their own lives and happiness.
Having said that, I didn’t see it like that when it happened. I was in shock, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I didn’t know what was appropriate or even how I really felt about it.
I just watched my mom fall to pieces and listened to what she had to say with disbelief and questions.
Could this be real? Is she tricking me, does she have a hidden camera, is this a joke, if it is it’s a terrible one. But there she was, dead serious and on the floor of my kitchen, crying her heart out in grief from the shock she just experienced. And what did I do? Her daughter, I was just standing there not knowing how to respond, not knowing what to say and I didn’t even attempt to comfort my mom.
I cannot remember
I can't remember what day it was, but it was probably Saturday because I was home at the time. It was morning about 10 am I guess, because my mom asked for breakfast and I was home doing nothing. If I was doing something, I cannot remember what it was…I can’t remember what season it was, but when I think about it, it feels like spring or summer. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t hot either. Then again, Norway doesn’t normally get very hot even in summer.
The shock
I remember the doorbell rang, and I thought; who could that be, who would ring my doorbell at this hour? I open the door and I see my mom. She has the biggest eyes I have ever seen and I thought; she never rings the bell. I say; Hi mom, with a careful smile, something was obviously wrong. She looks at me with big dead eyes and ask; do you have any food? I thought this is a strange question but I say; yes come on in. She walks into my kitchen and she is looking at the bread more than she’s putting bred spread on it, and then she turns to me and ask; do you know who I’m married to? I didn’t know what to say, this sounded like a trick question, but I carefully said; dad? She breaks down crying and says; I don’t know!!!She falls to the floor sobbing and telling me the craziest story I have ever heard. Telling me about how it has been at home the last few months, and that she never said anything. How she was cleaning the house today and when she was vacuuming dad’s office she wanted to vacuum behind his desk. And there she saw it, the reason and the answers to all the questions she had had for months. A long line of women’s lingerie hung to dry, laces and silk panties and teddies, bras and stockings. She dropped everything and left the house, she didn’t know where to go and then she had remembered that she hadn’t eaten anything so she decided to come to my house and eat.
I don't believe it ...
I stood there in disbelief. I don’t judge people on how they decide to live there life, but it’s different when you read about it. Then you judge the family members who doesn’t understand the poor person who’s just trying to create their dream and live the life they want to live. I was about to become one of those I normally judge and I started to cry. Crying felt wrong so I started to laugh; now my mom is watching me as if I have lost my mind. I say to my mom; I’m sorry but I really don’t know how to react to this.My mom is all about loving and understanding and tells me it’s ok. So we sit there in my kitchen and talk for awhile. There has obviously been a lot going on in my parents’ house that no one knew about, my mom is rambling, and I’m trying to make sense of it all. But how can anyone? How can you make sense of a 30-year-old marriage and “suddenly” one of the two has decided to become a little too much like the other…?
People have tremendous strength
As you can imagine there’s a lot more to this story than what I’m telling you and there’s a reason for that. It’s called protecting my family. I don’t want anyone to feel like I’ve put their lives out in public. I’m here to share my story and my story is this.People have tremendous strength. My parents have shown me how incredibly strong a person can be when they have to. On the brink off total destruction and after my mom got divorced from a woman she didn’t marry, my mom and “dad” are the best of friends.
I learned that strength is optional. When life knocks you down, and it will sometimes, you make a choice you decide either to stay down or to get back up.
Trumenous strength
Both my parents decided to get back up, but they chose different paths. My mom has difficulty-trusting men after her “failed” marriage. I see her marriage as a huge success, after being loyal to the same man for 30 years and raising four children included me. I think I turned out pretty well.My dad was different he didn’t want anything to remember his old life as a man. He wanted the acceptance for being a woman and as he said, this urge in him was so strong he was willing to cut all ties to his old life including us, his children. That was a tough pill to swallow, and I felt like I didn’t matter at all. He was so wrapped up in himself that he couldn’t see the harm he spread by not giving us the time to adjust.
Getting used to your dad becoming a woman is more usual these days, but we had a rough time and there where things said and done that should never have seen the light of day.
Roles we play
In all of this, I was the one child who didn’t limit my mom and dad. My siblings told our parents early on that they were not interested in talking to them about their problems. So, they came to me.I was my mom’s best friend, therapist and daughter and I was my dad’s garbage bag. My mom would talk ill of my dad, which I understand, but I couldn’t take sides and my dad was hurting just as bad.
My dad was feeling sorry for himself and didn’t understand why all of us just couldn’t accept him as he now was (a cross dresser and a transvestite) He said he might as well just end it all
My mom told me that dad had started drinking a lot and that there was incidents where he locked himself up in the office with alcohol and guns and refused to come out. I told them that as long as there were guns in the house that wasn’t locked away; my daughter would not be visiting them.
Finding my strength
It got so bad that I woke up every night and I had to look outside my bedroom window because I thought my dad had shot himself in the car outside.All of this resulted in me not taking care of myself and I got sick. I had all this negative emotions inside of me all the time and all I could think about was all the horror my parents was going through. I never stopped to think about what this meant to me, I was only concerned about them.
My mind was poisoned and my body got sick, I couldn’t keep any food inside. Whatever I put in my mouth and swallowed ran right through me. I had no energy and I was depressed. When I couldn’t remember my daughter’s birthday, I went to the doctor and told him that something is very wrong.
I have tremendous strength
After almost a year, I finally moved away. I found that to be the best solution for everyone involved. My primary concern had to be my daughter and myself. I cannot make life better for my family when all they see is darkness, I can only focus on my own light. I packed up everything and moved back to where I grew up. This is about 2,5 hours car drive away from my family. My daughter was 5 years old and she hated moving away from my mom. She loved to be with grandma and I would never break them up if I didn’t feel like I had to, but my sanity was on the verge of total damnation and I had to rescue myself. I gathered all my strength to survive with a child that resented me for moving her away from her grandmother.I have to admit that this is one of the toughest decisions I’ve made in my life, but it turned out to be the best decision I could have made at that time. When I wasn’t there to be a buffer for all of them they were all facing there problems in a different way. They kept me out of the loop (they still do) but the main thing is that they handled it. Together they agreed on what was what and who goes where. My dad moved out, my sister mourned it as if she was a little girl losing both her parents. My mom got back to work eventually and from there she started to socialize with friends again.
Alt that ends well
Now I’m happy to say that my parents who was torturing each other for years are now the best of friends and take better care of each other now than they did when they were married. We celebrate every big and small event together, birthdays, Christmas and every other holiday and special occasions. It takes tremendous strength to survive all those challenges and end up as best friends.I will be the first to tell you that I don’t want anyone to have to have this experience, not because it’s so horrible or damaging, but because it takes something away. No matter how much you talk about it or forgive this one and that one, there are all this words that was said that can never be forgotten, and it ruins something.
I’m not going to get into all the details of what was said and who said them, but it breaks something inside of you, and it builds something new. The old will never be the same and the new will never be as old.
Take responsibility for your own life
The only thing you can do is; accept the things you cannot change and ask for courage to change the things you can. You have to find your inner strength.Move forward, live your life for you. Stop taking everyone else into the equation of your life. You are only responsible for your own life and your own happiness. Everyone else have to take responsibility of their own lives and happiness.
Afterwords
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